


All of Me

by jokerssmile



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:04:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2072748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokerssmile/pseuds/jokerssmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Casey's marriage proposal to Jane brings out mixed and complex feelings for both Jane and Maura, Will Maura finally find the courage she needs to tell Jane how she feels?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Story idea from Ann, who was inspired by the song All of Me by John Legend.  
> I also wanted to say, I'm sorry I had to add Casey in this story but he was a necessary evil.

The words hit her like a brick wall. She stood in the morgue dumbfounded and for the first time in her life she was completely speechless.  
  
"He...He proposed?" Maura finally managed to say.  
  
"Yes." Jane said holding out her hand to show Maura the ring.  
  
"I don't understand." Maura said and she meant it.  
  
"What's there to understand?" Jane asked as she put her hand down, "He asked me to marry him."  
  
"And you said yes?" Maura asked her.  
  
"I told him I needed some time to think about it." Jane looked down at the ring on her finger, "I just wanted to see how the ring felt and looked."  
  
"So you're not engaged?" Maura asked her.  
  
"No." Jane told her still looking at the ring.  
  
"Oh thank God." Maura said and Jane gave her a look.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.  
  
"It's just that I imagine there's a lot to discuss before any permanent decision is made." Maura said trying to cover up her blunder.  
  
"Do you want to hear how he did it?" Jane asked her.  
  
"I'm actually really busy at the moment." Maura told her as she stepped over to her computer, "I'm waiting on a few test results and Sergeant Korsak will be here any moment to pester me about them."  
  
"Oh." Jane said and Maura could tell that she had hurt her feelings. Jane headed for the door and called over her shoulder, "See you later."  
  
Maura sat down on the stool in front of her computer and sighed. She didn't want to hurt Jane, that was never her intention but ever since Casey came back into town things between Maura and Jane had changed.  
  
Movie nights at Maura's had all but stopped. Rarely did they go to the Dirty Robber for a burger and beer. Morning runs had been put off till the weekend and soon Maura just found herself running alone.  
  
You'd think she'd be used to it, being alone. But her friendship with Jane had changed all that. She had someone she could trust, to talk to, to lean on and now with Casey back in the picture and possibly on a permanent basis Maura saw it all fading away.  
  
Maura was never good at feelings. They were complex and sometimes hard to understand or express but she knew one thing. She was jealous. Not of Casey and Jane's relationship but the fact that Jane was with Casey and not her.  
  
Maura's feelings for Jane had changed from friendship to love almost a year ago. She couldn't tell you exactly when it happened but it did. But instead of telling Jane how she felt and seeing what would happen she pushed those feelings away and hid how she truly felt. When Casey came back and Maura saw how happy Jane was she was crushed. Now they were on the verge of marriage and Maura felt a panic rise in her.  
  
She left work early, slipping out before Jane could come back down to the morgue.  
  
At home she put her purse down on the table by the door and went into the living room. She sat on the couch and took her heels off. She went into the kitchen got a glass down from the cupboard and poured herself a glass of wine before going back into the living room to sit down on the couch.  
  
She couldn't help but think about Jane. It worried her that Jane was considering marrying Casey.  
  
A knock at her door stopped her thoughts. She put her glass down on the coffee table and got up. She opened the door to see Jane standing there.  
  
"Are you still busy?" Jane asked with a small smile.  
  
Maura wanted to lie. "No, come in." She said and let Jane in. She shut the door behind her and followed Jane into the living room.  
  
"Can I get you a beer?" Maura asked her.  
  
"No thanks." Jane said sitting down on the couch and Maura joined her.  
  
Jane caught Maura taking a quick glance at her hands, "I took it off." Jane told her, "I didn't want Ma seeing it and getting too excited."  
  
"Yes, that's probably for the best." Maura said to her. She leaned forward and picked up her glass, she took a sip then reluctantly asked, "So how did he do it?"  
  
Maura sat and listened to Jane like a best friend should. She smiled and asked questions and nodded in all the appropriate spots.  
  
"I'm sorry am I boring you?" Jane asked with a laugh when she noticed that Maura had closed her eyes.  
  
Maura opened her eyes, "No, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"  
  
Jane smiled at her, "Why don't you get some rest?" Jane patted her thigh then stood up. She headed for the front door then turned around, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
  
Maura just nodded and smiled at her before she went out the door and shut it behind her.  
  
In the last few years Maura had only cried 3 times and each of those times was related to Jane somehow. Tonight was no different as she went upstairs got into bed and cried herself to sleep.  
  
In the morning Maura went into work and literally bumped into Casey.  
  
"Oh Maura, I'm sorry." He said grabbing her to steady her before she fell over.  
  
"I'm okay." She said removing his hands from her and smoothing out her blouse.  
  
"I was just here to see Jane." He told her.  
  
"I imagine you were." Maura said her tone coming off a little rude.  
  
"I came to say goodbye." He told her, "I'm leaving for Afghanistan in a couple of hours."  
  
"You're leaving?" Maura asked him, "But didn't you just get back a few weeks ago?"  
  
"Yes I did. But I'm in line for a promotion and this new assignment might help push me to the front of the line." He told her.  
  
"Well safe trip." She said not knowing what else to say to him.  
  
"Thank you." He said with a smile then left.  
  
Maura knew that she should probably go find Jane and talk to her, see how she was doing now that Casey was leaving but she just couldn't make herself go. She promised that if Jane came to see her that she would be supportive and listen to whatever she had to say.  
  
She was in the middle of an autopsy on their latest victim when Jane came into the morgue. "I don't have any results yet." Maura told her before she could ask, "Blood samples are still being processed along with the fibers found on the body."  
  
"That's fine." Jane said as she leaned back against the empty autopsy table, her arms folded across her chest.  
  
Maura could tell she wanted to talk. All she had to do was ask what was wrong and Jane would tell her but she remained quiet and waited for Jane to speak up first.  
  
"Casey left." Jane said as she watched Maura cut into the body, "He's going to back to Afghanistan. Something about it helping to get him promoted."  
  
Maura listened as she pried opened the chest cavity.  
  
"Why would he leave when we just got engaged?" Jane asked but the question wasn't directed at Maura, "We haven't even had a chance to talk about anything and he just leaves."  
  
"He didn't even ask me if it was okay." Jane said, "Not that he needs to ask my permission but shouldn't we have discussed it a little?"  
  
Maura was draining the stomach contents into a bowl as Jane continued to talk.  
  
"If I'm going to be his wife shouldn't he have asked me what I thought?" Jane said, "Aren't these the kind of decisions we're supposed to be making together?"  
  
Jane started pacing, "Could you imagine if I had told Ma that we're engaged and then she found out he was leaving? I'd never hear the end of it."  
  
Maura used a pair of long handled tweezers to remove a piece of lettuce from the bowl. She examined it closely then set it aside.  
  
"But you're not engaged." Maura said as she sniffed a partially digested mushroom.  
  
"What?" Jane asked.  
  
"You keep saying you're engaged but you're not." Maura said to her.  
  
"After everything I said to you that's the one thing you picked up on? That we're not engaged?" Jane asked her confused.  
  
Maura just looked at her.  
  
Jane scoffed, "Let me know if you find anything." She said then walked out of the morgue.  
  
Maura sighed. She knew she should be more supportive and try to be happy for Jane but how could she do that when she was losing her?  
  
She continued with the autopsy and put a rush on a few tests before going into her office to work on the notes. She sat staring at the empty document on her computer screen, lost in her thoughts about Jane.  
  
There was a time where she had thought maybe Jane had loved her too. Maura wasn't good at reading signals so she couldn't be entirely sure but it's not like she could ask anyone either, especially Jane. But looking back on the times they were together she thought there was hope.  
  
Yes, friends had sleepovers and went drinking together and sure they bickered about pizza toppings and argued about why watching baseball was more important than a documentary on fungus. But during those sleepovers Jane slept closer than usual, resting her head on Maura's shoulder or throwing an arm around her. They'd watch movies on Maura's big wide expansive couch yet they sat so close to each other their arms touched. Maura didn't have a problem with that. She liked having Jane close to her, touching her. And it seemed Jane liked it as well because Jane always seemed to be touching her.  
  
Sometimes the way Jane looked at her would just make Maura melt. Nobody looked at their friend that way and still remained just friends for long. There always seemed to be a wanting from Jane but Maura didn't know if she should just give in and move their friendship to the next level or not. She worried like anyone else would that if anything moved forward and then didn't work out that it would ruin everything that they had built up to that point.  
  
All the second guessing and wondering could all be put to rest if Maura would just ask Jane how she felt. But how do you ask your best friend if they're in love with you?  
  
Maura shook the thoughts from her head. She couldn't think about it anymore. It was starting to drive her crazy. So instead of thinking about Jane and how she was losing her to Casey, she starting typing up the notes for the autopsy.  
  
A week later Maura was down in the morgue halfway through an autopsy when Jane came bustling in. "Find anything useful?" Jane asked as she picked up a pair of tweezers from the tray.  
  
"Jane, please don't play with my instruments." Maura said as she looked up at her.  
  
Jane put the tweezers back down on the tray, "We need something to catch this killer."  
  
Maura had her hands inside the body trying to remove one of the kidneys and wasn't paying attention.  
  
"Anything Maura, anything at all." Jane said to her as she hovered near the body.  
  
"Oh for the love of God!" Maura said, "I'm wrist-deep in a body right now Jane. Can you please just be quiet and let me do my work?"  
  
Maura looked at her and made sure she wasn't going to say anything else before she went back to work. Jane stood still and quiet for about half a minute before she starting shifting her weight from one foot to another, her hands behind her back.  
  
She went around to the other side of the table and was practically leaning over Maura's shoulder to see what she was doing.  
  
Maura stopped her work and stood up straight bumping into Jane. She let out a sigh, "Go wait in my office and I'll have some preliminary results for you in 10 minutes."  
  
Jane smiled, "Thank you."  
  
Jane went into Maura's office and sat down in her chair behind her desk and waited. She watched Maura as she continued the autopsy. Jane loved watching Maura at work. She loved the way her eyebrows furrowed when she concentrated. The way the tip of her tongue stuck out a little as she tried to figure something out. Even the way she got absolutely giddy over stomach content. It was the small things she loved about Maura, the small things that no one else noticed.  
  
When Maura was finished she came into her office and Jane moved from her chair to the one across from her. Maura sat down, "You are very distracting."  
  
"So I've been told." Jane said to her with a grin.  
  
Maura grabbed a small stack of papers from her desk and tapped them on her desk to line them up. She opened a drawer and grabbed a paperclip but instead of one paper clip, a whole chain came out.  
  
Maura glared at Jane, "Have you had too much caffeine or something today?" She asked as she undid one paper clip and put her papers together.  
  
"Nope." Jane said to her with a smile.  
  
Maura noticed three balled up pieces of paper on the floor surrounding her trash can. "Were you playing basketball in here again?" She asked as she got up and went over to the trash can.  
  
She bent down and started to pick up the trash. She heard a snap and then felt the sting. She squealed and stood up, "Did you just hit me with something?" she asked rubbing her ass with her hand.  
  
Jane smiled and twirled a rubber band on her finger, "They used to call me Dead Shot in parochial school."  
  
Maura went back to her chair and sat down, "Is there a reason you're in such a good mood today?"  
  
"Yep." Jane said to her, "Casey's coming back to Boston tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

Later that evening at home there was a knock at Maura's door. She opened it to see Jane standing there with a big smile on her face. Jane's smile quickly vanished when she looked at Maura, "Have you been crying?"  
  
"What are you doing here Jane?" Maura asked wiping a tear from her cheek then turning to go back into the living room.  
  
Jane came in and shut the door behind her, "I thought we could watch a movie or something." She said following her.  
  
"Hey." Jane said grabbing Maura by the arm and turning her around. She stepped closer to Maura and cupped her face. She wiped a tear away with her thumb, "Tell me what's going on."  
  
Maura closed her eyes at the touch, "It's nothing you can help with."  
  
Jane pulled her in and wrapped her arms around Maura, hugging her tight, "I can try. Please let me try."  
  
Maura shook her head, "No, it's nothing." She pulled out of Jane's arms and went to sit on the couch.  
  
Jane sat down right next to her, "Would you like me to stay the night?"  
  
Maura was surprised by her request, "Why?"  
  
"You just seem like maybe you need me tonight." Jane said to her, "But mostly because I miss you."  
  
Maura gave Jane a small smile, "I miss you too."  
  
"Good then it's settled." Jane said smiling back at her.  
  
The two women sat and watched only half of a documentary that Maura had picked out before Jane faked a few yawns and suggested it was time for bed.  
  
Upstairs in Maura's bedroom Jane was in the bathroom changing into the pajamas she kept at Maura's.  
  
Maura was just about to get into bed when Jane stepped out of the bathroom, "Hey, that's my side."  
  
Maura smiled, "How could I forget?" She said then went to the other side of the bed.  
  
They got into bed and covered up. Maura turned off the side table lamp and they lay in the darkness. Maura felt the bed move as Jane shifted her position. What Maura didn't see was Jane's hand slowly creeping over to her. The next thing Maura knew Jane was tickling her side and laughing hysterically.  
  
"Stop it!" Maura yelled breathlessly to Jane who didn't relent and kept tickling her sides and stomach. Maura countered back and started to tickle Jane who was even more ticklish then she was.  
  
"Okay Truce!" Jane yelled removing her hands from Maura, "Truce damn it!"  
  
Maura stopped tickling Jane, "Truce."  
  
Jane lied down on her back and stared up at the shadowed ceiling. Eventually both women calmed down and fell asleep.  
  
In the morning Jane woke first. She smiled when she realized Maura was snuggled up to her. She realized just how much she missed this. Having Maura so close to her, feeling her against her body. She felt comfortable and safe like this. No one made her feel like this but Maura.  
  
Jane's cellphone rang and broke the silence and the moment, "Shit, shit, shit." Jane said quietly trying to get to her phone that was on the night stand without disturbing Maura.  
  
Maura woke up and looked up at Jane. "I'm sorry." Jane said to her quietly as she grabbed her still ringing phone, "Go back to sleep." Maura put her head back down as Jane slipped out of bed.  
  
"Hello?" She answered as she stepped out into the hall closing Maura's bedroom door behind her.  
  
"Hey, it's me." Casey said on the phone.  
  
After the phone call Jane went back into the bedroom and smiled at the sight of Maura lying in bed asleep. She had a sudden urge just to crawl back into bed and fall back asleep with her. She went over to Maura's side and sat on the edge of the bed. She put a hand on Maura's arm and rubbed it gently, "Maura, I have to go." She said quietly.  
  
"No, get back in bed." Maura mumbled in her sleep.  
  
"I really wish I could." She said as she moved a strand of hair from Maura's face, "I'll see you later." She said fighting the urge to lean over and kiss her on the cheek. With a sigh, Jane got up, got dressed and left.  
  
Driving to work Jane realized that she never found out why Maura was so upset. She had never seen her that upset before and it bothered her that she wouldn't talk about it. She missed Maura and was glad she decided to stay over. But what the hell was with wanting to kiss her? She never had a problem with being close with Maura. She liked when somehow Maura would find her way into Jane's arms during their sleepovers. She liked the lingering touches and the hugs that lasted maybe a bit longer than they should. But wanting to kiss her was something entirely new and different and something she couldn't stop thinking about.  
  
At work Jane went down to the café to get some coffee when Angela came busting out of the kitchen her arms stretched out and practically tackled Jane when she hugged her tight.  
  
"Oh Janie!" Angela said squeezing her.  
  
"What Ma?" Jane said trying to get out of Angela's arms.  
  
Angela released her and cupped Jane's face, squishing her cheeks, "I can't believe you're getting married!"  
  
Jane grabbed Angela's hands and removed them from her face, "Ma, keep it down!" She said then looked at her, "Where'd you hear that?"  
  
"Casey told me!" Angela said getting excited again.  
  
"He shouldn't have said anything." Jane said getting angry.  
  
The smile from Angela's face faded, "Why not?"  
  
"Because I didn't say yes." Jane said to her.  
  
"You will." Angela said with confidence.  
  
Jane clenched her jaw, "Is he here?"  
  
"He's upstairs waiting for you." Angela said and she watched as Jane stormed out of the café.  
  
Jane saw Casey sitting in her chair at her desk, "Get up." She said to him and walked over to one of the empty interrogation rooms.  
  
Casey followed her in and she shut the door behind them, "Why in the hell would you tell my mother we're getting married?" She asked him.  
  
"Because we are." He said.  
  
"We're not even engaged yet." Jane told him.  
  
"Well that can all be changed with a simple word." He said going over to her and holding her around the waist.  
  
"I told you I need some time to think." She said removing herself from his arms and taking a step back.  
  
"What's there to think about?" Casey said to her. "We love each other. You're going to be my wife and we're going to live on base where I'm stationed. We'll be together and happy."  
  
"Whoa wait a minute." Jane said to him, "You think I'm going to give up my job and live on base with you?"  
  
"Yes. That's what military wives do." Casey told her.  
  
Jane looked at him with confusion and shock, "You're unbelievable."  
  
"What?" He asked her.  
  
"You just assumed that if we get married that I'm going to give up my job and follow you from base to base?" Jane asked him.  
  
"You expect me to give up my career?" Casey asked her, "I'm up for a promotion. The military is my life."  
  
"My whole life is here in Boston." Jane told him, "My family is, my friends. I love my job. You can't really expect me to just leave all that behind."  
  
Casey could tell he was losing Jane, "Look, let's just step back a bit here." He said to her. "We have plenty of time to talk about this and work it all out."  
  
"I don't have time right now." She said to him as she opened the door, "I have work."  
  
She walked out on him and headed right for the elevators. She stepped inside and smashed the down button. She saw Casey still standing in the interrogation room as she waited for the doors to close.  
  
"You're not going to believe the shit Casey tried to pull." Jane said as she stepped into Maura's office.  
  
Maura looked over at Jane then over to Angela who was sitting on the couch in her office.  
  
"Ma, what are you doing down here?" Jane asked irritated at seeing her there.  
  
"Oh Maura and I are just doing a little planning." Angela said as she stood up.  
  
"Planning for what?" Jane asked her as she headed for the door.  
  
Angela left without giving Jane an answer.  
  
Jane looked back at Maura, "Planning for what?"  
  
"Your engagement party." Maura told her, "Among other things."  
  
"Jesus Christ!" Jane said loudly, "I'm not even fucking engaged yet!"  
  
Maura got up and took Jane by the hand and led her over to the couch and sat down.  
  
"What did he do that made you so mad?" Maura asked her.  
  
Jane took a breath, "He assumes I'm going to quit my job and leave Boston behind if we get married."  
  
Maura panicked a little thinking about the possibility of Jane leaving Boston. She thought it was hard enough not getting to see her or spend time with her now but if Jane left Boston it would be impossible and it would completely destroy her.  
  
"Do you want to leave?" Maura asked her.  
  
"No." Jane said to her, "But I don't know what to do."  
  
"Maybe you should leave." Maura said to her playing Devil's advocate.  
  
Jane was distracted by the fact that Maura was still holding her hand. Jane brushed her thumb across the back of her hand.  
  
"How can you say that?" Jane asked surprised she would even suggest it.  
  
"I'm trying to support you." Maura said letting go of Jane's hand and standing up.  
  
"By telling me I should leave?" Jane asked her, "What's going on? This isn't you talking."  
  
Jane got up and went over to her, "Did Ma say something to you?"  
  
"Jane, all I want is for you to be happy." Maura told her.  
  
"And you think marrying Casey, quitting a job I love and moving away from my friends and family is gonna make me happy?" Jane asked her. She was starting to get frustrated. She came down here to bitch and she wanted Maura to take her side, to support her, to see what a ridiculous request Casey was making of her.  
  
"I don't know what you want me to say." Maura said to her.  
  
"Tell me to stay." Jane said to her, and then realized how that sounded. Jane sighed, "Tell me I shouldn't have to give up everything for Casey."  
  
"People who love each other give up things every day Jane." Maura told her. The thought made her sad because it was true. When Jane marries Casey Maura would be giving up the one thing she wanted most in the world.  
  
Jane growled in frustration, "Who the hell are you and what did you do with my best friend?!"  
  
She couldn't handle it anymore and stormed out of Maura's office. She slammed the door and missed the quiet, "Please stay." Maura had said.  
  
Sometimes having a friend like Maura was hard. She wanted Maura to take her side and support her maybe even tell her that Casey was being unreasonable and that she shouldn't have to give up the life she had now to have a new one with Casey.  
  
Angela caught Jane in the hallway, "Oh Janie, I'm glad I found you."  
  
"What is it Ma?" Jane asked as she continued to walk fast.  
  
"Have you decided on a color scheme yet?" Angela asked.  
  
Jane stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face her mother, "Stop. Stop planning right now."  
  
"But Jane, you want to know these things ahead of time." Angela said to her.  
  
"Ma, he just assumes I'm going to quit my job and leave Boston to be with him." Jane told her.  
  
"So?" Angela said to her.  
  
Jane was shocked by her mother's response. "He wants me to leave my family and friends."  
  
"Janie, part of being a wife is sometimes letting go of things." Angela said to her, "But you'll be married to a wonderful man who loves you and will take care of you. Isn't that what you want?"  
  
"I can't do this right now." Jane said then just turned around and walked away.  
  
After work Jane went home and grabbed a beer from her fridge. She was just about to take a big sip when her doorbell rang.  
  
Jane went to the door, "Maura I really don't want to talk." She said as she opened it.  
  
"I'm not Maura." Casey said as he stood in her doorway.  
  
'No shit.' Jane thought as she let him in.


	3. Chapter 3

"Jane, how are we going to work things out if you walk away when you don't like where the conversation is headed?" Casey asked her as he went into the living room and sat down on the couch.  
  
"You want to talk? let's talk." Jane said as she sat down in the arm chair across from him. "I don't like how you just assume I'm going to quit my job, a job I absolutely love and become some obedient Army housewife."  
  
"I didn't come here to argue with you." He told her in complete disregard of what she just said.  
  
"Then why did you come here?" Jane asked him.  
  
"I didn't want to leave things with us in the middle of a fight." Casey told her.  
  
"Leave things?" Jane asked confused, "Wait, you're leaving again? You just got back!"  
  
"I came back because I have a few meetings in D.C in the morning then I have to go back to Afghanistan." He told her.  
  
"So you just came back to go to some meetings?" Jane asked getting angry.  
  
"Well not entirely. I needed to see you." He said with a smile as he went over to her and knelt down by her. He took her hand in his, "Jane, don't worry about the engagement. We love each other and we'll find a way to work everything out."  
  
If only she was as confidant about it as he was.  
  
In the morning Jane woke up and found a note on her nightstand from Casey telling her he loved her and that they'd talk when he could.  
  
Jane went to work and avoided the café and her mother for as long as she could before finally going in to grab a sandwich late in the afternoon.  
  
"Jane, I'm glad you're here." Angela said to her as she rounded the counter.  
  
"Ma, I don't have time to talk. I just came to grab something to eat quickly at my desk." Jane told her as she grabbed a sandwich.  
  
"Have you decided on when you'd like to get married?" Angela asked her, "June is a very popular month."  
  
"We haven't talked about anything." Jane told her as she paid for her food.  
  
"I'll just have to ask Casey then." Angela said to her, "Is he at your apartment? "  
  
"No Ma, he's gone." Jane told her.  
  
"What did you do?" Angela accused.  
  
"I didn't do anything. He only came back because he had some meetings to go in DC then after that he's going straight back to Afghanistan." Jane told her and saw the disappointment on Angela's face. "Ma, just relax. When we have the time Casey and I will talk about it."  
  
Angela gave her a look as if she didn't believe her.  
  
"I promise." Jane said to her.  
  
"Good girl." Angela said with a smile.  
  
"Now can I please go eat my sandwich?" Jane asked.  
  
"Yes." Angela said to her and Jane took off for the elevators.  
  
Jane headed down to the morgue with her sandwich. She walked into Maura's office just as Maura was finishing up a call.  
  
"Hey." Jane said to her as she sat down.  
  
"Hi." Maura said as she hung up the phone, a frown on her face.  
  
"What's wrong?" Jane asked her.  
  
"I won ballroom dance lessons at a charity auction I went to a few months ago and the first lesson is tonight." Maura told her.  
  
"Yeah I'd frown too then." Jane said to her and when Maura didn't smile she asked, "So what's the problem?"  
  
"My partner just cancelled on me." Maura told her, "I don't have time to find a replacement."  
  
"I'll do it." Jane offered.  
  
"Do you even know how to ballroom dance?" Maura asked her.  
  
"No, but I imagine that's what the lessons are for right?" Jane asked her.  
  
"Jane I can't ask you to do this with me." Maura said to her.  
  
"Well It's a good thing you aren't asking me then." Jane told her, "Come on let me go fancy dancing with you."  
  
Maura smiled at her, "Okay if you're really up for it."  
  
"Anything for you." Jane said as she got up from her seat, "Wait…." She said pausing as she got to the door, "I don't have to wear some frou-frou dress do I?"  
  
Maura laughed, "No Jane. These are just lessons not a ballroom dance competition."  
  
"Oh thank God." Jane told her with a relieved sigh, "Because honestly I would have backed out."  
  
Maura smiled, "Good to know where you draw the line."  
  
Jane left Maura in her office, 'Shit, what the hell did I get myself into?' she thought as she rode the elevator back upstairs.  
  
Maura wasn't sure it was a good idea to have Jane as her partner but the more she thought about it the less she cared because it meant that she and Jane would be together doing something that required them to be in close proximity to each other.  
  
Later on Maura shut down her computer and locked the doors to her office and the morgue before going upstairs to meet Jane.  
  
"Everyone left?" Maura said as she walked into the squad to see Jane was the only one there.  
  
"Yeah just a little bit ago." Jane said to her as she turned in her seat and looked up at her.  
  
Maura saw how tired Jane looked, "Jane, maybe we should just cancel."  
  
"No absolutely not." Jane said as she stood up and put on her jacket, "I'm sure once I get there and we start to salsa or guacamole or whatever I'll perk right up."  
  
Maura drove them to the Carnegie Dance Hall and parked, "Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked as they got out of the car.  
  
"Just don't step on my toes." Jane said to her as they went inside.  
  
Maura went over to the dance instructor and talked to her for a few minutes as Jane stood by one of the full length mirrors. She ran a hand through her ragged looking hair and tried to wipe the sleep out of her eyes.  
  
"The instructor has no problem with you being my partner." Maura told Jane.  
  
"How very open-minded of her." Jane said glaring at the teacher.  
  
The teacher gathered everyone and explained a simple waltz to them before instructing them to get into the proper form.  
  
"Okay come here." Maura said and Jane stood in front of her. Maura put one of Jane's hands on her waist and then held the other, "You'll be the man."  
  
"Why do I have to be the man?" Jane asked.  
  
"Because you're taller?" Maura said to her with a shrug and Jane gave her a look.  
  
"Okay I'll lead first then when you get the hang of it then you can lead." Maura said to her as she switched their hands, "Happy now?"  
  
The music started and within one beat they bumped right into each other. Jane started to laugh, "Sorry."  
  
Maura regained their form then tried again. They almost had it when Maura stepped on Jane's foot and Jane had to grab ahold of Maura around the waist so she didn't fall over. "Oh my god Jane, I'm sorry." Maura said to her.  
  
"It's okay." Jane said to her, "But really Maura, stop goofing off or the teacher will make us stay after class." She smiled at Maura and they continued to move around the dance floor.  
  
"Okay I think I got it now." Jane said to her, "Let me be the man now."  
  
Jane switched their hand positions and once they got the form right Jane started to lead Maura.  
  
"Dancing is a very personal and sensual thing between two people." The instructor said as she watched the group dance, "It can be a very powerful thing as well. There must be passion, lust and want!"  
  
She walked around looking at the couples, "You must feel not only the music but each other. The soft way you move with each other, the gentle sway. The rhythm must move through both of you as if it's the beats of your hearts coming together as one. "  
  
Jane looked into Maura's eyes as her hand slid from Maura's waist up to the small of her back and gently pulled her closer.  
  
Maura felt Jane's body against hers, felt her moving to the music. She stared back into Jane's eyes wishing she could figure out what Jane was thinking.  
  
Jane's heart was beating fast as she held Maura close to her, 'God, you're so beautiful.' She thought as they continued to dance. That urge came back to her, the urge to just lean in and kiss her.  
  
"Excuse me, ladies." The instructor called out to them, "The dance is over. The music has stopped."  
  
They both looked over at the instructor then back at each other. Jane didn't want but she stepped back and let Maura go. Jane cleared her throat and stood quietly by her, her heart still pounding in her chest.  
  
"Now we Tango!" The instructor said with a hand flourish.  
  
"Oh shit." Jane mumbled under her breath and Maura had to stifle a giggle.  
  
Two hours and 4 of Jane's smashed toes later the class was over.  
  
"Can I just crash at your house?" Jane said as she practically limped to Maura's car. "I don't know if my broken toes can push the gas pedal in my car."  
  
Maura smiled, "I wasn't that bad."  
  
"Tell that to my toes." Jane said to her as they got into the car, "And my heel. Like, how in the hell did you step on my heel?"  
  
Maura laughed as she started the car and drove them back to her house.  
  
At the house Maura poured herself a glass of wine and gave Jane a beer. They sat down on the couch and Jane took her shoes and socks off. "I see a bruise." She said looking at her big toe.  
  
Maura set her wine glass down on the coffee table and sat back, "Okay give them here." She said and patted her lap.  
  
Jane gave her a look, "What?"  
  
"Put your feet up here." Maura said as she leaned forward and grabbed at Jane's pant leg and hauled up one of her legs.  
  
"What are you going to do?" Jane asked as she put her other foot in Maura's lap.  
  
"I'm going to rub your feet." Maura told her.  
  
"No, gross. My feet are stinky and sweaty." Jane said trying to move her feet off Maura's lap but Maura stopped her.  
  
"Stop it." Maura said to her, "I'm around dead people all day. If that smell doesn't bother me then I doubt your sweaty feet will."  
  
Maura barely touched Jane's feet and she jerked them back and started to giggle.  
  
"Are you really that ticklish on your feet?" Maura asked grabbing Jane's feet and putting them back on her lap.  
  
"Maybe just a little." Jane said with a smile.  
  
She carefully took one of Jane's feet into her hands and slowly started to massage it. Jane didn't realize that her body had tensed up till Maura started to rub her feet. She relaxed and sat back as Maura used her thumbs to knead the arch in her foot.  
  
Jane closed her eyes, "That feels really good."  
  
Maura smiled as her hands moved to the top of Jane's foot then to her ankle. Maura switch to the other foot giving it the same treatment. She watched as Jane's head fell back a little and a smile appeared on her face, "You definitely massage better than you dance." She said to her.  
  
"Thank you for going with me tonight." Maura said to her as she stopped rubbing Jane's feet.  
  
Jane looked at her, "You're welcome. I have to admit I had fun."  
  
"Maybe tonight's lesson will help you for your wedding." Maura said quietly.  
  
Jane swung her feet off Maura's lap and sat up, "I doubt one lesson will do any good."  
  
She stood up and stretched then sat back down next to Maura, "So what's on TV?" She said changing the subject as she grabbed the TV remote.  
  
They watched TV in silence before Maura urged Jane to get up before she fell completely asleep on the couch. They went upstairs, changed and got into bed. Maura turned the light off then rolled over to face Jane who was lying on her back with her eyes closed.  
  
A few minutes passed, "Jane?" She asked quietly as she looked at her. She didn't get a response and figured Jane was asleep. She rolled over, her back to Jane, "Don't marry Casey." She said quietly into the dark.  
  
Jane opened her eyes.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

In the morning Maura woke up and found Jane gone and when she got to work Jane wasn't there either.  
  
"Have you seen Jane?" Maura asked Korsak who was sitting at his desk.  
  
"I think she took a personal day." He told her as he sipped from his coffee mug.  
  
"Did she say what it was about?" Maura asked him.  
  
"No, just said she needed the day off." Korsak told her.  
  
Maura went down to the morgue and into her office. She called Jane on her cellphone and left a message when Jane didn't pick up, "I hope your personal day didn't have anything to do with me stomping all over your feet last night. Call me when you get a chance."  
  
She hung up and went to work on the new body that had arrived.  
  
Maura got home late that evening and after two autopsies and a mountain of paperwork she was exhausted.  
  
She went into the living room and took off her heels and was about to sit down when her doorbell rang. With a sigh she went and answered the door and was surprised to see Jane there.  
  
Maura let Jane in and shut the door behind her. She followed Jane into the living room and sat down with her on the couch. "Is everything okay?" Maura asked, "You were gone pretty early this morning and then you weren't at work."  
  
"Yeah I just needed some time to get things straight in my head and then I talked to Casey on Skype this afternoon for a while." Jane told her.  
  
"You talked to Casey?" Maura asked really not wanting to hear about it.  
  
"I said yes." Jane said to her.  
  
Maura was confused, "You said yes?"  
  
"I told Casey I'd marry him." Jane told her.  
  
Maura was fighting the urge to cry at that very moment. Her heart felt like someone was squeezing it slowly, the dull ache in her chest made it hard to swallow.  
  
"Why?" Maura asked then realized how it sounded, "I mean have you even discussed what marrying him would mean?" She asked her.  
  
"Yeah it means no more dirty looks from Ma because of premarital sex." Jane joked.  
  
Jane could tell by the look on Maura's face that she didn't find the humor in her little joke.  
  
"Maura, we haven't talked about all the details yet." Jane said to her, "I'm waiting for him to come back to Boston."  
  
"You're always doing that." Maura said to her.  
  
"Always doing what?" Jane asked.  
  
"Waiting for him to come back." Maura said to her. She sighed, "Aren't you sick of it?"  
  
"What's your problem?" Jane asked her, "You've been making snide comments since the moment I told you that he asked me to marry him."  
  
Jane stood up, "It's like you're not even happy for me."  
  
Maura didn't say anything and Jane knew.  
  
"I see." Jane said to her, "What a good best friend you turned out to be."  
  
Maura was hurt by the words even though she knew she deserved them.  
  
Jane scoffed then headed for the front door and opened it, "Why can't you be happy for me?"  
  
She left and shut the door behind her before Maura could answer her.  
  
Jane got to her car and took off out of the driveway. She drove only a couple miles before she had to pull over and stop the car. She started to cry and she wasn't entirely sure why. Was it because Maura wasn't being supportive or was it because she just said yes to Casey because she was scared of what she was feeling for Maura?  
  
Jane wiped away her tears, started her car and drove home.  
  
Two days went by and Maura and Jane were barely speaking and it was driving Maura crazy. She had tried apologizing to Jane a couple of times but it seemed that Jane was being stubborn. Finally Maura got an idea that she thought would help Jane see how sorry she was. She just hoped it would work.  
  
She went upstairs and found Jane at her desk. "I need to speak with you." She said to her.  
  
Jane looked up at her, "I have paperwork."  
  
"Paperwork can wait, this can't." Maura said to her then headed back to the elevators. She went down to the morgue and into her office. She sat and waited for Jane who eventually came in and sat down in the chair across from her.  
  
"What's so urgent?" Jane asked her.  
  
"I have tickets to a baseball game." Maura told her.  
  
"I'm happy for you." Jane said to her.  
  
"They are for tomorrow afternoon." Maura said ignoring the tone, "Would you like to go with me?"  
  
Jane didn't answer her.  
  
"The seats are behind home plate. Well a little to the left but still behind." Maura told her, "I have no idea if they are good seats or not. But if you don't want to go then I guess the tickets will just go to waste."  
  
Maura thought for a minute, "Or maybe I'll just take Frankie."  
  
"I'll go." Jane said to her then got up and left.  
  
Maura smiled as she watched Jane leave.  
  
Jane went back to her desk and sat down to her paperwork. She knew what Maura was trying to do. She knew she was just trying to make up for their fight by inviting her to a game. She also knew how hard it was not talking to her best friend these last two days.  
  
The next day Maura picked Jane up from her place and drove to the stadium. Jane had on her lucky Red Sox hat and long sleeved shirt. Maura was wearing a plain t-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans.  
  
"I don't think I've ever seen you in normal tennis shoes before." Jane said to her as they went to find their seats, "It's a little frightening."  
  
They sat down and Jane looked around for the hot dog vendor. "You want a dog?" Jane asked her.  
  
"I'm more of a tortoise kind of person Jane." Maura said as she watched some of the players stretching out on the field.  
  
"A hot dog, Maura." Jane said to her, "Do you want a hot dog?"  
  
"Oh well then, yes please." Maura said then pulled out some money from her purse.  
  
"I got this." Jane said getting two hot dogs from the vendor and paying him.  
  
Jane watched as Maura balanced the hot dog on her lap while she squeezed a packet of mustard on her hot dog.  
  
Maura looked around the stadium, "Where's the beer guy at?"  
  
"You're gonna drink beer?" Jane asked surprised.  
  
"Do they have a wine guy?" Maura asked as she waved to get the attention of the beer vendor.  
  
Jane snorted, "No, they don't."  
  
"Okay beer it is then." Maura said with a smile.  
  
She handed Jane her beer and then took a long sip of hers and made a face, "It's a little bitter." She said smacking her lips.  
  
She took a big bite of her hot dog, "Hot dog is good though."  
  
"You have a little mustard on your face." Jane said to her and Maura wiped at her face.  
  
"Did I get it?" She asked.  
  
"No, it's near your chin and…. ." Jane said pointing as Maura wiped again then looked at Jane.  
  
Jane shook her head then reached over and using her thumb, slowly swiped the mustard from Maura's chin and bottom lip.  
  
They looked into each other's eyes and a small smile appeared on Jane's face.  
  
"Thanks." Maura said touching Jane's hand.  
  
Jane put her hand down, sat back in her chair and took a bite of her hot dog, "No problem." She mumbled with her mouth full.  
  
For 3 and a half innings Maura watched as Jane yelled and cursed at the umpires and outfielders. She smiled as Jane kept getting up out of her seat to cheer on her team.  
  
Jane sat back down after watching a pop up ball fly over the fence and hit the top of the dugout. "Man, this game is killing me." Jane said looking at Maura.  
  
"Are you having fun?" Maura asked her.  
  
"Of course." Jane said to her.  
  
"Good I'm glad." Maura said to her.  
  
Jane hopped back up to her feet and starting cursing at the umpire again then sat back down.  
  
"Jane, I wanted to say I'm sorry." Maura said to her.  
  
"For what?" Jane asked still paying attention to the game.  
  
"For not being a very good best friend to you." Maura said to her.  
  
Jane looked at her, forgetting about the game. "I didn't mean that Maura." She said to her, "I was just frustrated."  
  
"With me?" Maura asked her.  
  
"With everyone." Jane told her.  
  
Jane sighed and pushed her hat back on her head a little, "Everyone expects me to marry Casey, to be his wife and follow him where ever he goes. They expect me to stay at home, have babies and be a good Army wife."  
  
"I don't expect that from you." Maura told her.  
  
"Well Ma does and so does Casey." Jane told her.  
  
They sat quietly for a few minutes, "Are you in love with him?" Maura asked her.  
  
Jane looked over at her. She was surprised Maura asked, surprised anyone had asked her.  
  
"I don't know." Jane said to her and it was true. Jane didn't know if she truly loved him or not. She didn't know if being with him was for herself or because it's what other people wanted from her.  
  
"Do you think a person can be in love with two people at the same time?" Jane asked her.  
  
"Well there's certain chemicals that send signals to a small region of the brain called the hypothalamus and that starts to affect the way your body reacts to …." Maura started to say but Jane covered her mouth with her hand, "I'm sorry I asked." She said then removed her hand.  
  
"Jane, are you saying you're in love with someone besides Casey?" Maura asked hopeful.  
  
"I'm just asking a question." Jane told her then went back to watching the game.  
  
Maura was thinking about too many things at once that it was distracting her from the game. She looked over at Jane who was smiling as she watched the last inning. But the one thing that really stuck in her mind was who the other person was that Jane was in love with.  
  
After the baseball game Maura drove Jane home. "Did you want to come up for a drink?" Jane asked before getting out of the car.  
  
"Sure." Maura said.  
  
In Jane apartment Maura went and sat on the couch and Jane went into the kitchen. She poured Maura a glass of wine then grabbed herself a beer. She handed Maura her glass before sitting down next to her.  
  
"Thanks for today." Jane said as she took off her hat and put it on the coffee table.  
  
"I'm glad you had a good time." Maura told her.  
  
"It was nice hanging out with you." Jane said to her, "We haven't really gotten to do that a lot lately."  
  
"Yeah I know." Maura said quietly as she put her wine glass, "I suppose I should get used to it."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Jane asked then took a sip of her beer.  
  
"Jane, when you marry Casey, you'll be with him." Maura said to her, "You'll be gone. You won't be in Boston anymore because you'll be wherever he's going to be stationed."  
  
She looked at Jane, "We won't be together, won't see each other anymore."  
  
"Ah come on you don't know that." Jane said to her trying to blow it off.  
  
"Yes I do." Maura said to her.  
  
"I thought you didn't speculate on things." Jane said to her.  
  
"Normally I don't but it's not speculation if the outcome is the truth." Maura said to her.  
  
"Is this why you've been so quiet lately when I talk about Casey and I?" Jane asked.  
  
Maura wanted to tell her, 'No it's because I love you and you're breaking my heart because you're going to marry a man who takes you for granted.'  
  
But before Maura could answer her Jane's phone rang.  
  
"Just let the machine get it." Jane said, "So what's going on Maura?"  
  
The answering machine picked up and Casey's voice came over the speaker, "Jane, pick up please. I need to talk to you."  
  
Maura smiled as if to say 'it figures.'  
  
"It seems your fiancé needs you." She said getting up from the couch.  
  
"No, just wait Maura I can call him back." Jane said to her as Maura headed for the door.  
  
"Jane it's important. If you're home please pick up the phone."  
  
"It's important Jane." Maura said then slipped out the front door closing it behind her.  
  
"So are you." Jane said to the closed door.  
  
She sighed and went to answer the phone but Casey had already hung up.  
  



	5. Chapter 5

The next day Maura sat in her office at work but couldn't focus on anything. She was thinking about Jane again.  
  
The more and more Jane talked about Casey and marriage the more Maura felt like she was drowning. She struggled to stay afloat, to be the friend Jane needed her to be but it was hard, it was hard watching the woman she loved making plans to have a future with someone else.  
  
Maura didn't want to think about a life without Jane in it. She didn't want to think of not seeing her every day or talking to her. Sure Jane was loud and crass sometimes and she drove Maura absolutely crazy but that's just who Jane was and Maura wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.  
  
Maura loved Jane, every part of her, every flaw and imperfection. Jane had her way for doing things and sometimes it led them into trouble but Jane always came to the rescue too. Of course she saw what everyone saw, how strong and courageous Jane was but she also got to see the things that no one else did. She saw Jane vulnerable, broken and beat. She saw Jane at her worst and Maura still loved her. It crushed Maura to think all that would vanish when she married Casey.  
  
Maura left work early even though she still had some paperwork to get through. She stopped and got some Thai food before going home. She didn't even bother grabbing herself a plate she just sat down on the couch with a pair of chopsticks and opened up the nearest carton.  
  
A knock interrupted Maura as she devoured some basil chicken. Maura put down the carton and got up to answer the door.  
  
Jane was there and she was pissed off. Maura let her in and Jane went right into the living room and sat down.  
  
"What's wrong?" Maura asked her.  
  
"Casey called me." Jane said to her.  
  
"I know I was there, remember?" Maura said, "He said he had something important to talk to you about."  
  
"No, I missed his call last night and didn't get to talk to him." Jane told her, "I talked to him today at work on Skype."  
  
"Okay so why are you so upset?" Maura asked.  
  
"He took the promotion." Jane said to her, "How can he just say yes to something that important without discussing it with me?"  
  
Jane stood up unable to keep still, "He pretty much told me that his job is more important than mine."  
  
"Jane, you had to know this was how it was going to play out." Maura said to her.  
  
"How can you say that?" Jane asked her.  
  
"Because this is how he always treats you." Maura said, "He breezes into town for a while, charms his way back into your heart then his career takes over and he's gone. But now instead of leaving you he expects you to leave everything behind for him."  
  
"Why do you keep letting him do this to you?" Maura asked her. This time she wasn't going to hold back anymore. "If he truly loved you he wouldn't be putting you through all this." Maura told her, "He wouldn't be making you choose between him and everything else you love."  
  
Jane couldn't even get a word in as Maura continued.  
  
Maura looked at her, "He wouldn't make you leave Boston, your job and your family."  
  
What she really wanted to say was, 'He wouldn't be making you leave me.'  
  
"What's he willing to give up for you Jane?" Maura asked her, "If you asked him would he be willing to give up his promotion and the rest of his career for you? Would he be happy staying in Boston to be with you?"  
  
"Did you even fight for yourself Jane? Did you tell him that he was wrong for making you choose like this? Did you tell him how unfair it was?" Maura asked getting angry, "Or are you already being the dutiful wife and following along with whatever he decides is best for you?"  
  
"Whoa! back the fuck up." Jane said to her, "What are you getting all pissed off about?"  
  
"Because I don't like the way he treats you and I don't like the way you act when you're with him." Maura told her.  
  
"And how exactly do I act when I'm with him?" Jane asked getting angry.  
  
"You aren't you. You're submissive and agreeable. You act like some horny love-struck teenage girl. You're just going along with everything he says." Maura said to her, "The Jane I know would never let a man or anyone else decide things for her, she'd never let herself be walked on."  
  
"Maybe you don't know me anymore." Jane shot back at her.  
  
"When you're with him, you're right I don't." Maura said raising her voice, "You want me to be your best friend, to listen to you talk or complain about Casey, to take your side when it comes to him but I can't do that anymore Jane."  
  
"I won't do it." Maura got up from the couch, "I think you're making a mistake. Marrying Casey is a huge mistake."  
  
Jane wasn't really surprised by what Maura was saying.  
  
"You haven't wanted me to marry Casey from the beginning." Jane said to her.  
  
"That's not true." Maura said to her.  
  
"No?" Jane asked her as she stepped closer to Maura, "Then why did you tell me not to marry him?"  
  
"What?" Maura asked confused.  
  
"I heard what you said that night Maura. I wasn't asleep." Jane said to her, "I heard you say don't marry him."  
  
A flush rose in Maura. "Leave right now." She said as calmly as she could to Jane.  
  
"Why? Because I caught you in a lie?" Jane asked her, "I'm not going anywhere not till you tell me what your problem is."  
  
Maura grabbed Jane by the arm, "I said get out!"  
  
She tried pulling Jane to the front door but Jane didn't budge. Maura let go of Jane and turned to go to the front door but Jane stopped her.  
  
She turned Maura around to face her holding her by the arms, "Just stop." She said as they stood face to face, "It's cards on the table time Maura."  
  
Maura looked down and took a deep breath before letting it out. The angry and embarrassment she was feeling slowly started to fade away. She looked up at Jane with tears in her eyes.  
  
Jane wiped a tear from her cheek with her thumb.  
  
Maura didn't say anything as she stared into Jane's eyes.  
  
"Please tell me what's going on." Jane pleaded quietly to her, "I can't fix it if you don't tell me what the problem is."  
  
"You can't fix this Jane." Maura told her.  
  
"I could if you'd let me know what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours." Jane told her.  
  
Maura's head was spinning; she felt dizzy standing this close to Jane and on the verge of telling her exactly what was going on in her mind.  
  
"Does Casey really make you happy? Is he the best person for you?" Maura asked, "You've been making all these decisions on what you think everyone expects from you." She looked into Jane's eyes again, "But what do you want Jane? What is your heart telling you to do?"  
  
Jane didn't think, didn't hesitate she just leaned in and kissed Maura on the lips. Her hands went into Maura's hair as she deepened the kiss.  
  
Maura pulled back and pushed Jane away, "What are you doing?"  
  
"I thought…." Jane said looking confused by Maura's reaction.  
  
"Don't Jane." Maura said as she stepped back from her, "Don't use me because you're angry at Casey."  
  
"That's not what…" Jane said but Maura cut her off.  
  
"No, just leave." Maura begged her.  
  
"I'm not leaving." Jane said to her as she got closer to Maura.  
  
"Please Jane, please just leave." Maura said to her on the verge of tears.  
  
Jane stood in front of her for a good minute absolutely confused. She saw how Maura was hurting but she didn't know what else she could do so she turned and walked away.  
  
Jane shut the front door behind her, "What the fuck?" She asked quietly to herself. She stood for a second then turned back around, her hand on the doorknob ready to go back in and find out what the hell was going on but she didn't even know herself.  
  
She sighed, let go of the doorknob and headed to her car. Jane drove around for a while before going to the Dirty Robber. It was busy and loud and Jane was happy for the distraction.  
  
Jane went up to the bar, "Can I get a beer?" She asked the bartender. He nodded and handed her a beer and she took a long swig from it.  
  
"Looks like you're having the kind of night that needs something stronger than beer." Korsak said as he walked up to Jane.  
  
"Do you think I should marry Casey?" Jane asked him.  
  
"Whoa, can we ease into this kind of conversation?" He asked her as the bartender poured him a whiskey, "I haven't even had a drink yet."  
  
"I'm serious." Jane said to him.  
  
Korsak took his drink then took Jane by the arm and moved her over to a dark quiet corner in the bar.  
  
"What's going on?" He asked her.  
  
"I don't fucking know." Jane said to him sadly.  
  
"Did something happen between you and Casey?" Korsak asked her.  
  
"No." Jane said to him.  
  
He waited for her to continue, he could tell something was bothering her but he didn't want to force it out of her. He knew that if he just waited Jane would tell him what was going on.  
  
"It's Maura." Jane said to him.  
  
"What about Maura?" He asked her.  
  
Jane sighed, "I'm so fucking confused Korsak and I don't know what to do."  
  
Korsak looked at her and saw the turmoil in her eyes, "Jane, listen to me, whatever is going on, whatever doubts or fears you're feeling all you have to do is go with your heart. Just listen to that, and it will tell you everything you need to know."  
  
"I love you Korsak, but you sound like a god damn fortune cookie and that's not helping me right now." Jane said then took another long sip of her beer before handing him the bottle, "I gotta go."  
  
All he could do was watch her walk away and out of the bar.  
  
"Listen to your heart?" Jane mumbled to herself as she drove, "Really Korsak? You're going to quote me music lyrics from the 80s?"  
  
Jane went inside her apartment and slammed the door. She went to the fridge grabbed a beer and popped the cap. She took a drink then went to sit down on the couch.  
  
Jane thought about what happened at Maura's. She thought about the things Maura said to her. How she didn't act like herself when she was with Casey, how he took over and made all the decisions and Jane just let him. Maura was right, the old Jane would never let anyone walk all over her the way she was allowing Casey to.  
  
Was she marrying Casey because she loved him or was she doing it because that's what people expected from her? She thought about that day at the baseball game when Maura had asked if she even loved Casey and she said she didn't know.  
  
It was true, she didn't know. She tried to love him the way she was supposed to but there was always something missing. He was always gone so whatever relationship they had was long distance. He obviously didn't think her job was important even though Jane loved being a detective. He wasn't there when she really needed him and he didn't support her the way he should.  
  
There had always been one person who was there, who was the shoulder she needed to cry on, the crutch she needed to lean on. One person who could make her laugh one minute and frustrate the shit out of her the next. She had always had the support and love she wanted.  
  
And that kiss, what the fuck? Jane couldn't say she didn't know where it came from because honestly it had been building in but the timing sucked and now Maura thought Jane kissed her because of Casey but that wasn't true at all. She kissed her because she had wanted to, not because of Casey but because she loved Maura. She loved her.  
  
"Holy shit." Jane said out loud to herself. She got up for the couch, grabbed her car keys and left.  
  
Maura had fallen asleep on the couch and was jarred awake by pounding on her front door.  
  
She hurried off the couch and opened the door, "Jane what are you doing?!"  
  
Jane pushed passed Maura as she came inside and went into the living room.  
  
Maura slammed her front door then went into the living room, "I asked you to leave me alone."  
  
"I need you to be honest with me." Jane said. She stood in front of Maura and into her eyes, pleading, "Please just tell me the truth."  
  
Maura looked at Jane and saw how serious she was, "What truth?"  
  
Jane stepped closer to her, "Are you in love with me?"  
  
Shocked and fear washed over Maura's face. She put her head down as she felt like she was going to be sick. She wanted to run and hide. But wasn't that what she had been doing all this time?  
  
She looked up into Jane's eyes, "Yes." She said quietly.  
  
Jane stepped away from her and turned around. She rubbed her forehead, "Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"What did you want me to say?" Maura asked her, "And when could I have said it? Casey was there, even when he wasn't around it felt like he was always there."  
  
"This doesn't have to change anything Jane." Maura said to her desperate to keep her friend, "You can still be with Casey, nothing between us will change."  
  
"God damn it Maura." Jane mumbled then turned and looked at her, "It changes everything."  
  
"No it doesn't." Maura told her.  
  
"Yeah it does." Jane said to her.  
  
"Why?" Maura asked her, "Why does it change everything?"  
  
"It just does." Jane told her.  
  
Jane could see the confusion and shock on Maura's face. She did the only thing she could think of and that was move in and kiss her. Jane pulled her close and kissed her deeply and Maura moaned into Jane's mouth.  
  
Jane pulled away suddenly, "I'm sorry I gotta go." She said as she let go of Maura and rushed out the door leaving Maura standing in her living room alone and completely confused.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Jane knew she probably shouldn't have left Maura like that but she had to talk to Casey. She got to her apartment and the first thing she did was turn on her computer. She opened Skype and sent out the call. She waited till Casey's tired unshaven face popped up on the screen.  
  
"Jane, is everything okay?" He asked as he sat too close to the screen.  
  
"Do you love me Casey?" She asked him.  
  
"You called me at 5am in a war zone to ask me if I love you?" Casey asked her.  
  
"Do you?" Jane asked him.  
  
"I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I didn't." Casey told her.  
  
"If you love me Casey, shouldn't you have asked me what I wanted?" Jane asked him.  
  
"Jane what are you talking about?" He asked, "What's going on?"  
  
"Shouldn't you have asked if I wanted to give up my job? If I wanted to leave Boston and my family to be a wife to you? Shouldn't we have talked about your promotion before you just took it?" Jane asked him.  
  
"Look I understand you're upset." He said to her, "I know I should have talked to you about the promotion but they offered it to me then I had mission briefings. There wasn't a good time to talk to you about it."  
  
"That's the problem Casey." Jane sighed, "There never seems to be a good time for you to tell me you're making a major career decision that would affect me as well. It's never a good time to tell someone that marrying them would uproot them from everything they love, their family their job, their city."  
  
"It's more than just the promotion Casey." Jane said to him with a sigh. "I don't want to be someone who just stands in the background while you have the career and life you want."  
  
"Jane that's not fair." He said to her, "Whatever doubts you're having we can talk about, we can work through it."  
  
"Oh you mean over the phone or Skype whenever you have a free moment?" Jane asked him.  
  
"I can't help that I'm in Afghanistan and you're in Boston." He said to her.  
  
"And I can't help that I want to stay in Boston." Jane told him.  
  
"Jane, where is all this coming from?" He asked her.  
  
"It's been something I've been feeling for a while." Jane told him, "I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't want to disappoint you."  
  
Casey got quiet; he looked at her as if trying to read her mind. He didn't want to ask the question but he knew it was only fair, "You don't want to marry me, do you?"  
  
"I'm sorry Casey. I never should have said yes in the first place. That wasn't fair to you." Jane told him. "But I deserve someone who loves and supports me and makes me feel like I'm actually part of the relationship."  
  
She looked at him, "And you deserve that too."  
  
Casey wasn't really surprised at what she was saying. Even when he was in Boston he wasn't totally there and his career would always come first. Jane was right she did deserve more and he knew now that he couldn't be what she needed him to be.  
  
"I do love you Jane." He said to her.  
  
"I know and a part of me loves you too but it just isn't enough." Jane told him.  
  
He stared at her for a minute, "I hope you find someone who'll love you the way you deserve."  
  
He gave her a small smile, "And I hope that person knows just how lucky they are."  
  
Jane smiled at him sadly. "Thanks Casey." She whispered.  
  
"Goodbye Jane."  
  
"Goodbye Casey." Jane said to him and the screen went black.  
  
Jane wasn't even surprised that he didn't fight for her. Maybe a part of him knew that marrying Jane and tying his life to her wasn't right either.  
  
Jane knew she should be sad, that this should be breaking her heart but all she felt was relieved. A part of her did love Casey but she was tired of pretending, tired of going through the motion of being with him. She was now free to be with someone else, to be with who she wanted to be with all along.  
  
Jane fought the urge to rush back over to Maura's house. She knew Maura was confused but so was Jane and she needed a little time to think and sort a few things out. She sat back in her chair for a minute then pulled out her cellphone and called Maura.  
  
Maura didn't pick up so she left a message. "Maura, I'm sorry for the way I left but I had to go. I promise you it was for a good reason. I'll explain everything when I see you tomorrow."  
  
Jane didn't sleep much that night. She kept thinking about how everything in her life had changed in such a short period of time. She wondered if the people in her life, her friends and family would accept the changes with her or if they would question her. She worried how her mother would take the news about her breaking her engagement to Casey so she could finally be with Maura. A panic rose in her as she wondered if after everything Jane had put Maura through if Maura would even want to be with her.  
  
'Why the hell didn't I just go back over there?' She wondered to herself.  
  
In the morning Jane rushed to get ready then went to the department even though she wasn't on duty.  
  
She headed straight for the morgue dodging Korsak, Frankie and her mother. She didn't need any distractions or anyone else getting in her way.  
  
She went into the morgue smiling but the smile soon vanished when she saw Dr. Zimm instead of Maura doing an autopsy.  
  
"Where's Maura?" Jane asked Dr. Zimm.  
  
"Dr. Isles called in sick. I believe she is at home resting." Dr. Zimm told her.  
  
Jane turned around and left without another word.  
  
She drove to Maura's house then knocked loudly on her door.  
  
"Open up Maura, I know you're not sick!" She yelled through the door.  
  
Jane pounded on the door until finally Maura swung the door open, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I told you I wanted to talk to you." Jane said to her.  
  
"Oh you want to talk?" Maura asked her, "So It's convenient for you now?"  
  
"What are you getting mad at me for?" Jane asked her then went inside not waiting for Maura to invite her in.  
  
Maura shut the door and followed her into the living room. "I finally tell you I'm in love with you, you kiss me and then you take off without another word?" Maura asked her, "Do you know how confusing that was?"  
  
She looked at Jane, "Do you know how much that hurt me?"  
  
"I'm sorry for the way I treated you, for the way I acted. Not just last night but for the whole time I was with Casey." Jane told her, "I never wanted to hurt you, Maura."  
  
"So why did you leave then?" Maura asked.  
  
"I had to talk to Casey." Jane said to her.  
  
"Well of course you did." Maura said to her with a bitter laugh, "Did you run off to tell him that I said I loved you? I bet the two of you had a nice laugh over it."  
  
Jane looked at Maura with sadness, "You really think I would do that to you?"  
  
Maura turned to walk away from her but Jane caught her by the wrist, "I had to talk to Casey and tell him I couldn't marry him. That it was over between us."  
  
Maura looked at Jane, "But why?"  
  
"Because what I want is someone who loves me just the way I am. I want someone who has always been there to support me, even when I do stupid shit. I need someone who will listen to me after a rough day at work, who understands what I've been through and doesn't judge me." Jane said to her, "And I want to be that for someone else and I didn't have that with Casey, I couldn't have it with him."  
  
She looked at Maura, "But mostly it's because I'm in love with someone else."  
  
Jane saw the sadness wash over Maura's face. She looked into Maura's eyes, a small smile on her face, "I'm in love with you Maura and I'm sorry that it took me this long to realize how much you love me too."  
  
A tear rolled down Maura's cheek. She couldn't believe she was hearing what she had been waiting so long to hear.  
  
She moved in to kiss Jane but stopped just inches from her lips. She looked into Jane's eyes, "Are you sure Jane?"  
  
Jane smiled at her as she wrapped her arms around Maura's waist, "I've never been so sure of anything before in my life."  
  
Maura grabbed Jane and kissed her hard on the lips. She pulled back just a little, her forehead against Jane's, "Your detective skills really need some work."  
  
"Kiss me, don't criticize me." Jane said to her and Maura happily kissed her again.  
  
They moved to the bedroom and resumed kissing. Maura pulled back and started to unbutton Jane's shirt. She pushed it off Jane's shoulders then started to unbuckle Jane's belt.  
  
Jane turned Maura around and unzipped her dress. She kissed Maura's bare shoulder as she pushed the dress down her body. Maura stepped out of it as Jane kissed her neck and her hands cupped her breasts. Maura leaned back against Jane and closed her eyes. Jane turned Maura around and kissed her on the lips. She fumbled with Maura's bra clasp and Maura giggled a little. She moved Jane over to the bed and made her sit down then she took off her bra. Jane pulled Maura close to her and kissed her stomach as her hands ran up and down Maura's thighs.  
  
Maura undid Jane's bra and pushed her back onto the bed. She moved up Jane's body admiring every curve. She kissed Jane on the lips, she sucked and kissed on her neck as Jane moved underneath her. Maura's thigh settled between Jane's legs as she kissed across her chest. She kissed the valley between Jane's breasts. Her hand moved to her breast and gave it a small squeeze as her thumb brushed against the nipple making it hard. She licked her nipple before taking it into her mouth and sucking on it.  
  
Jane moaned as she moved against Maura's thigh.  
  
Maura's hand moved down Jane's body and into her underwear. She played lightly with Jane's folds as she kissed Jane on the lips, her tongue going into Jane's mouth.  
  
Maura pulled back and looked into Jane's eyes as she pushed two fingers deep inside of her.  
  
Jane's eyes fluttered closed and she groaned, "Ah fuck."  
  
Maura brushed against Jane's clit, rubbing her thumb back and forth against it as her fingers pumped in and out.  
  
Maura moved down Jane's body and settled between her legs, she paused only for a second as she watched Jane's breast rise and fall with each gasped breath. She took Jane's underwear off then she dipped her head down and took a long taste of her before she took Jane's clit into her mouth and sucked on it.  
  
Two fingers moved inside of her and feeling Maura's mouth on her was too overwhelming. Her body arches into Maura, her muscles clenched around her fingers. Jane came with a loud moan and a couple of "fucks". She grabbed at Maura pulling her close and kissed her on the lips, pushing her tongue into her mouth.  
  
She rolled them over and wasted no time as she moved down her body leaving a trail of kisses. She took Maura's panties off and flung them over her shoulder as she dipped her head down and licked Maura's folds. Maura gasped as Jane sucked her clit into her mouth. Her tongue flicked at it as she slipped to fingers inside of her.  
  
Jane's fingers curled up as she stroked her. Maura's hands went into Jane's hair and gripped her tight as she continued to move her fingers inside of her. "Jesus, Jane." Maura breathed as Jane's fingers twisted inside of her. Maura's hips bucked up against her, her muscles started to clinch around Jane's fingers. She sucked on Maura's clit harder, her tongue pressing hard against it.  
  
"Oh God." Maura moaned. Her body started to shudder under her and her grip on Jane's hair tightened. She moaned loudly as she came.  
  
Jane removed her fingers as Maura let go of her. She moved slowly back up Maura's body and rested against her. She smiled at Maura then kissed her on the lips.  
  
Maura wrapped her arms around Jane, "That was amazing."  
  
"I know right?" Jane said to her and Maura laughed.  
  
Maura kissed Jane again, "Are you okay?"  
  
"Didn't you hear?" Jane asked as she put her head down on Maura's shoulder, "I'm amazing."  
  
"Jane…." Maura said in a serious tone.  
  
"Maura, I love you." Jane said as she looked at her, "Can't that just be enough?"  
  
Maura wanted it to be enough. She really did but Jane had been sacred, confused and impulsive and she didn't want this to be another decision based on that.  
  
"It wasn't enough for you and Casey." She said to Jane.  
  
"That's completely different." Jane told her, "I didn't love him the way that I love you."  
  
Maura sighed, "I just don't want you to regret this." Maura said to her, "I don't want you to look back and see that maybe you made a mistake and that you should have married Casey."  
  
Maura shifted and sat up as Jane moved, "I don't want you to regret being with me."  
  
Jane sat up in bed and pulled Maura close to her. She wrapped her arms around her and looked her in the eyes, "I know I've been a little crazy these last few weeks. I know I've made a few bad decisions based on desperation and what other people want but I promise you Maura this is what I want."  
  
"I love you Maura and I could never regret loving you." Jane said then kissed her on the lips, "I need you to know that, to trust in that."  
  
Maura looked into Jane's eyes. She saw how sincere Jane was; saw just how much love she had for her.  
  
"I love you too." Maura said with a smile as she lay back down in bed, pulling Jane closer to her.  
  
Jane wrapped her arms around Maura and held her tight.  
  
"This is where I was meant to be all along." She whispered in Maura's ear just before she fell asleep.  
  



End file.
